Camila Mei Chiang Phelan

How's life changed? Do you feel like a dad?

Those two are probably the most common questions I’ve gotten.

We’ve passed Camila’s first month of life and it feels like I’m slowly coming back to the world. As I’m writing this, it’s my first afternoon without Camila and Lauren. It feels like pre-baby times when I’d sit down on the weekends and write with a coffee. Life feels like it has changed so dramatically, but almost not at all. It feels too soon to say how different things will be, especially as I slowly start working again after a month of leave.

The Birth

In preparation for the birth, I read two very helpful books: Ina May’s guide to childbirth and The Birth Partner. Learning about pregnancy, the medicalization of birth, and birthing has been an eye opening experience. I won’t delve into all the details, but I’ll share a bit from my perspective.

Lauren’s wish from the beginning was to try to birth at home - which I whole heartedly supported. Maybe it was my naivety or Lauren slowly conditioning me over the past years with birth videos, but I never hesitated. Movies or tv shows often depict partners as fumbling, fainting or useless - I knew I wanted to change the narrative. Becoming an equal, generous and supportive parent begins at the birth.

With our amazing midwife & doula, we had the right people in the room to make it happen. I felt like I had an active role to play - whether it was supporting Lauren with comfort measures, fetching drinks or giving her words of encouragement. After a speedy 7.5 hours of labour, Camila slid out out screaming into the world.

The past month has, yes, been filled with a lot of sleepy days, changing tons of diapers, and getting spat on endlessly. But there’s also so many beautiful moments. Watching Camila grow each day has been incredible. Spending lots of time with friends and family has meant so much - especially after the past year.

the future

Like so many parents, questions about my creative self and my identity as a parent come up. Are the two mutually compatible? How does one continue to create, but also raise a child? Is it possible to be ambitious in my creative pursuits and a good parent?

I think they’re important questions and things I will find an answer to with time. But maybe…for now it’s about focusing on the simpler things. Things like being there for my family. Creating a safe home. And enjoying the long summer days.