I used to feel really insecure. Especially in high school.
I think it was because I felt like I never quite fit in. I played magic cards and I played football. I got along well with people, but I never belonged to a group. I identified as Asian-Canadian, born in Vancouver to parents who were born in Peru to parents who were born in China -- and did not feel like I fit neatly into a defined category of race.
Things never quite felt like they fit in. Looking back, my insecurity held me back from so many things. Making friends. Trying something new. Risking failure or embarrassment. Creating memories.
Enter Francis Ford Coppola:
This interview with Francis Ford Coppola (The Godfather, Apocalypse Now, The Outsiders) was illuminating.
When asked "You now have all the resources to do your own production, writing, directing. What's the biggest barrier to being an artist," he answered: "Self-confidence always. The artist always battles his own/her own feeling of inadequacy." Here is Francis Ford Coppola, one of the most distinguished and influential filmmakers in American Cinema, saying that self-confidence is the thing that gets in the way.
Even after having all of the resources, power, and tools. Even after having made some of the most influential films. Even after being acclaimed as one of the top 10 directors of our time, he still battles the feeling of inadequacy and self-confidence. Having more isn't the answer, especially to dealing with insecurity and self-doubt.
My hope is that by showing up consistently and patiently, creating will become second nature. That maybe one day, my actions will hold more power over my feelings.